I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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