My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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