So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I want to fling myself into the sun
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
