she was so not down for the gang bang
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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