worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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