so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
