I want to have your abortion
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
