How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
