I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
