Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
