I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
