this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
