I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
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We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
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Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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