Have you finally orgasmed yet?
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
