Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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