Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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