I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Randomize
