the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
