guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
