he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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