Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
