so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
