Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
