She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
