6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
