shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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