I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
