i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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