your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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