I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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