My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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