You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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