if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
be right there i have to get my cape
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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