well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
