hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
