I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
