More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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