Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
