If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Damn victory sex feels great
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
