i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
