I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
