I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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