Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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