My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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