My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
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