is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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