I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
