The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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