its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
