3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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