I think I died a long time ago.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
