so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
