I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
The struggles of a small town man whore
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
