So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I just gift wrapped bread.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
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