Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.