what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
21 People That Had The Worst Birthdays Imaginable
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.