she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
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at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
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I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!