My nipple is on Facebook.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
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