Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
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