On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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