somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
