very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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