We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
