hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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