Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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