I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
