Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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