dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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