when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
