$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Randomize
