Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
