Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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