i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
