dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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