Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
